First Week: Overwhelmed, Unprepared, But Still Going

I just got through the first week of Grade 12. Honestly, it wasn’t anything crazy — no big breakdowns or anything like that. It’s more like this slow, heavy feeling sinking in that this is really happening, and I’m not completely ready for it.

This is my final year of high school. My last year walking the same halls, seeing the same faces, and dealing with the same routines. And somehow, that makes everything feel heavier. The pressure is real — not just to finish, but to finish well. To make memories. To leave something behind. To prove I’ve grown.

“But honestly? I don’t feel ready.”

The days are long and the expectations are even longer. I usually don’t eat breakfast before school, so I’m already low-energy when I get to class. My brain feels foggy, and I’m already stressing about everything I need to do. Classes are moving fast, and teachers expect a lot. It’s like everyone is saying:

“This is your last chance. Don’t mess up.”

It’s not just the academics either — with Physics, Philosophy, Entrepreneurship, Practical Research, and other subjects, etc., each has its own challenges. On top of that, there’s the pressure to study hard for scholarships. I want to make my family proud, but honestly, it’s stressful.

I even bought a new scientific calculator recently, mostly because I liked the design. Honestly, sometimes I just need small things that make me feel a little more ready or in control, even if it’s just a calculator.

I’m also part of the ICT-SS Club, so I help document school events — taking photos, organizing files, and designing posts. In journalism, I don’t write articles; I do the graphics layout and design work. This year, I’m expected to do much better with our school paper than last year. It’s a big responsibility, and I really want to step up. Last year, I was part of a team that competed in the RSPC and won 2nd place — a proud moment for us — but the school paper is a whole different challenge, and the expectations are high.

“It feels like I always have to make something great. Like I can’t mess up.”

Besides school and clubs, I try to support myself by doing side hustles so I don’t have to ask my parents for money. One of the ways I do this is through the Blackmarket, an online buying and selling scene with random people. Balancing that with everything else isn’t easy, but it helps me stay independent.

Sometimes, I think I might be depressed. It’s hard to explain — feeling tired all the time, no motivation, and this heavy feeling like everything’s too much. But when I mention it, my older brother, who studies Psychology, tells me not to self-diagnose.

“Don’t jump to conclusions. Talk about it. Take care of your mental health just like your physical health.”

Still, those feelings don’t just disappear. They stay, making everything harder. It’s confusing wanting help but feeling like you have to handle it alone.

Some days feel non-stop — early mornings, back-to-back classes, club duties, side hustles, scholarship prep, and projects — my brain just can’t keep up. Sometimes I zone out because I’m so tired.

“Am I really doing enough… or even being enough?”

I usually skip breakfast because I think I don’t have time. But that just makes mornings harder. My energy drops and my mood follows. Then I get frustrated with myself for feeling tired when I know I’m pushing too hard.

There are moments when I just want to shut everything off — school, clubs, stress, expectations. To pause, breathe, and just be. But life doesn’t stop, and deadlines keep coming.

“I wish I could freeze time for just a minute to breathe and think.”

Even when I’m overwhelmed, I keep showing up. Even if I’m slow or distracted, I keep moving forward. That’s all I can do.

This first week taught me:

“It’s okay to not have everything figured out.”
“I don’t have to be perfect to be present.”
“Even if I don’t feel strong all the time, I’m still here — still trying, still learning.”

Grade 12 is more than just classes and projects. It’s pressure, growth, uncertainty, and strength. It’s learning how to carry the load without breaking, and hoping to find balance.

I’m not ready for everything coming my way. But maybe I don’t have to be.

“I showed up. I gave what I could. And maybe, that’s enough for now.”

Here’s to the rest of the year — full of unknowns, challenges, and chances to grow. I’m scared, tired, and confused sometimes. But I’m here. And that means something.